Heavy Fingers & Sundry


Drab, hot Wednesday afternoon. The office case
files provide no excitement, and I am all alone,
with a wallet as flat as my slippers back home
(my tardiness that morning means no going to
court and ultimately no appearance fee), so I
look to my BBM for solace. I am not sure
however of who would be up for a chat, between
the busy ones who won’t check their phones
until 6pm, or the ones changing selfie after selfie
and updating their contacts with their life history.

I soon find something catchy though, on my
BBM’s ‘Recent Updates’. Three of my female contacts put up a photo of a left hand whose middle finger is adorned
with a diamond ring, and accompany it with the
words “Congrats Lydia”.


Apparently, Lydia just got engaged. I know who the lucky lady is,
but for some reason, we no longer keep in touch,
so i can only find this out from our mutual
friends. I look at the photos one more time,
and I chuckle as I reminisce on interactions with a girl I used to be really familiar with.


It had been one cold Thursday evening years ago, not quite half a decade. I was reading with my
earphones in a classroom located somewhere in the Eastern highlands, on course to cross the final hurdle that stood between me and the title
“Barrister”, when i felt a prod in my back.

“Hey mister, don’t you hear? I’ve been trying to
get your attention.”

I looked up. She was dark and slender with curled hair, and while her voice was not exactly Soprano, it made me want to listen.

“I am Lydia. Ermm, there is this class activity I am struggling with. Can you help?”

Looking back now, I don’t think I really solved the problem, but I offered my opinion anyway, and
she left happily, but not without exchanging phone digits with me.

I would see her again 24 hours later. We would
sit under a tree even when it was the wrong side of 9pm, and I would learn that she was of Yoruba
extraction, that we were born the same year, that
her boyfriend of six years had been treating her
like crap. I played the role of a good listener, and
encouraged her to hold on to her flawed man, but
that didnt stop her from calling it quits with him; I found that out the following day.

She needed to cool off, and I took her outside the school gate for a walk round the small town surrounding the
campus. We chatted and laughed but there is
this thing with chilly nights and hormones, and as we walked back to avoid getting locked outside, I pulled her to a dark corner and kissed her. We would repeat the process at various poorly-lit
spots until we (reluctantly) got to the gate.

“Let’s take things slowly”, she said.

But there was no slowing down as the weeks
progressed. We talked everyday, we texted at intervals in class, we reserved seats for each
other, and (of course) we made the most of the darkness. I returned to bed really late most
nights, I spent less time with my friends, and in time all her roommates knew my name. Lydia
was in love.


She only had eyes for me, and when I took ill for a few days, she went into panic mode, frequenting
my room even when it was against the rules for females to enter rooms designated to males. She was honest and real to a fault, treating me to every minute detail about her day, and if her affection
was food, then I got overfed all the time…..

But Lydia scared me. She would say things like, “I
don’t mind carrying your babies” and “when are we going to Delta to see your peeps?” There was also the issue of her inability to draw the line between harmless chatter and downright gossip. I soon freaked out, and eventually I decided not to
commit. She noticed my change in attitude, and
when her attempts at getting me jealous by
flirting with other male students met no response
from me, she drifted away from me and found new
company…..in someone of her ethnic group.



On hearing news of her engagement, I go into
CIA mode, and I find that ‘Mr. Fiance’ is a
totally different guy, apparently not the one she
left me for. I chuckle some u and I wonder
where those promises of undying love went. Many questions arise: Are the girls using us guys as emotional punching bags to
‘practise’ for the real one? Is it that they dont
know who they want? Or rather, is it that they
have their targets in view and just mess with us?

Then again, won’t it be selfish to expect a girl of our age to ‘wait’ for us? Don’t we know what a
‘biological clock’ is? Don’t we know that ladies have targets, never mind the issue of societal
demands and individual priorities? Do we intend
to slow them down?

I think of all this, and all I can do is smile. I put things in perspective, and I proceed to Lydia’s
Facebook inbox to drop a congratulatory message.



18 responses to “Heavy Fingers & Sundry

  1. Yeah. It would be real selfish to tie her down when you know you can’t take her kind of rushing things on.
    And as for whether a lady’s practicing on guys until Mr. Right, no. I doubt that. What I’ve come to realize in many of us ladies is that we tend to commit more quickly to relationship than guys. And when we see that the feelings ain’t mutual, we quickly withdraw, to avoid too much of an emotional damage.

  2. First, a wallet as flat as a slipper is humorous.
    Biological clock? What’s that? That is a terminology that puts fear on the minds of every unmarried abi yet to be married person.
    I think you should have just called her to one of those kissing corners and engaged her in a heart to heart. Tell her she scares you and that she should slow down on baby talk and going to delta talk.
    Am sure she loved you enough to want of all of that. It is also possible that she would have waited for you, if she is a lady that has a goal, purpose and a vision, she can still live her life lovingly waiting for you to be the established.

  3. There’re ladies that use guys to get back at other guys, I’ve met a few.. That’s crazy anyway.

    And I personally think most guys are scared of commitment. I used to be, but it’s a very useless thing to do. If you love her, you don’t have to merry-go-round, go for it.

    That said I enjoyed this. Stop the acts in darkness. Hehe. And make sure the congratulatory message you’ll send is genuine and not some attempt to do you know what i mean.

  4. Hmmmmm….well….yes d biological clock is real and young guys make d mistake of thinking that dey shouldn’t marry on time cos dey lack d necessary cash…at d end of d day…dey discover dat maybe dey should av gotten married on time to dat beautiful young lady dey loved and work it out together… cos dey don’t actually get richer…just older and still single…nice one Jerry

    • Nice one

      Men should become more focused, if she won’t love you when you are broke and undecided she won’t genuinely love u when it’s all together. Good women don’t happen everyday. Women should ensure relationships are defined before giving their hearts out.

      It’s sickening the way guys just want a lady around with no terms and purpose. She leaves and he is the victim. Please ladies, by all means dump any lagging or confused guy who feels he is doing you a favour or that you are ‘crowding’ him and has turned you to a spirit who should just sense things that should have been communicated.

  5. would you honestly say that you would have stayed with her if she had stayed? i think you would have moved on, irrespective of her actions. i think you enjoyed the journey without thought to the destination. i am not quite sure how many girls exist who are in intimate relationships and do not give thought to the ‘destination’ . you don’t quite have that ‘destination’ in mind yet, heaven knows why. i really think you need to confront those phobia of yours though , as you very well know, you haf starting to be a olden somebori o. 😀 , good tale o. but then wetin ah sabi sef , all this thinking sonthing iyaf tire me *goes to drink ijebu garri *

  6. Relationship and it’s accompanying drama…
    Men and latent scare for commitment…
    Women and over-drive to commit others and themselves a little too early…
    It’s a circle that never stops spinning…
    Nice work Jerry

  7. Relationships are hard, and especially crushing when two people who are at different places in their lives come together. This I’m very familiar with. There’s no feeling worse than that which comes when you realize that you two do not want the same things out of your relationship. It’s especially worse with the partner who wants more.

  8. Emotional punching bag for practice? Hmmm… I would have thought it was the other way round…

    Some ladies married guys their ages without any thought of biological clocks o….

    I still wish wedding announcements of people we “used to know” would not thrust us forcefully down memory lane… *sigh*

    Nice one Jerry

  9. Not all relationships are supposed to end @ the altar. It’s probably one of those… I loved the ending… brilliant one here, J.

  10. Nice one Jerry, nice one. I don’t fault her here though, she has more to lose while your uncertain mind makes a stand. She’ll lose more if too much time has passed and it doesn’t end with both of you as an item

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